Professional Celebrant and CC founder member Jules Maxine, discusses the growing trend for people wishing to organise and attend their own, End of Life Ceremony.
What would it be like to attend your own funeral?
Would you like to be there and celebrate your life?
It’s an interesting thought!
Traditionally, funerals have been seen as formal and solemn goodbyes and although this is what some people want and expect I am noticing that more and more families need something different.
A living funeral, or end-of-life celebration will enable you to listen to those transforming words in person and tell those you love what they meant to you and thank them for being with you as a part of your story. It is a true celebration of your life.
You would be able to hear all of the beautiful memories and comments made by those who loved and respected you, instead of them telling those who attend the funeral after you’ve gone.
This makes sense to me. It’s why, when I work with a family, I spend time to get to know the deceased and have a sense of who they are. This enables me to truly represent them, on behalf of their loved ones. When delivering a funeral, I often get asked how I knew the deceased, the truth is I have listened to the family and held the space for them to share their stories which offer an insight into the life of their loved one.
This includes funny stories, achievements, values and beliefs and hobbies. At one of my celebrations of life, family members did a jive to the final song, because dancing was an important part of their loved one's life. It was truly beautiful.
As with all rituals, times change and people look at different ways to celebrate, and this is also true for end of life and funerals.
The Lakota Sioux have a tradition of the Living Funeral. They take the opportunity to repair relationships or make amends, distribute family heirlooms, and eat traditional foods. This allows them to be purified and prepare for death. Near the time of death, family, friends, and neighbours will meet for a final farewell gathering.
In 1990s the actress Takiko Mizunoe held her own living funeral. Her health was good, but she was aware of her own mortality. She wanted to attend her own funeral and treat it like a true celebration. Another actress, Junko Yamada, televised her own living funeral. She set light to a paper effigy of herself. The ceremony was upbeat, and one of the songs heard was Santa Clause Is Coming to Town, even though it was February. Yamada shifted the focus from one of bereavement to a celebration of her life. It was an iconic TV moment, even if it was as much a funeral as a parody of over-wrought celebrity memorials and an indulgence on the part of Yamada.
This ritual is referred to in Japan as seizensō – which means “funeral while alive” and the western version “living funeral”, “pre-funeral” or “end of life celebration” are beginning to become more popular, particularly in South Korea, America and the UK. In each of these countries the ceremony has slightly different motivations for it to be invoked. For this blog I am going to concentrate on how I see it working in the UK.
Saying that, some people may hold one when they are healthy, as a reminder to what is – and has been - important in their lives.
A living funeral is an opportunity for someone to prepare for their own death, actively participating in the planning and execution of their own funeral, and thus creating a more meaningful experience for them and their friends and family.
We could say that a traditional funeral is for the living and the living funeral is for everyone.
Some of the benefits of a living funeral are:
A desire to reclaim death and confront fears and anxieties for all
Starting to putting your affairs in order before death
An opportunity to connect with loved ones before death
Express feelings and have a chance to say goodbye
Ensure their wishes are met
Provide support to the grieving process for family and friends
It helps the dying person to move on peacefully
It can simplify procedures after death
Why miss a great party!
Organising a Living Funeral
There are no legal obligations when arranging a living funeral, so you can celebrate the end of life in any way you see fit. This could include where you hold it, this could be at home, hotel, favourite space or religious venue.
The style of ceremony, you may decide you want a traditional style funeral, or a casual or themed event.
The guest of honour needs to be involved in the planning, you could inclide their favourite music, finger licking food and drink. Pets, poetry, games, tributes for families to treasure. The world is truly your oyster.
A living funeral enables everybody the opportunity to play a meaning part in the ceremony. And remember, you can always have a further ceremony or memorial after the guest of honour has died.
As a Civil Celebrant, based on the Suffolk / Norfolk border, I want to offer choice, and a living funeral is a choice. In most cases a living funeral will take place when there has been a terminal diagnosis, or during progression to end of life care.
You can contact me for a free consultation on 07956355735 to discuss how we can co-create a unique ceremony - one that truly represents you and your life.
I would love to hear from you!
JULES MAXINE
For information on our Celebrant Training School or to apply for membership of the Celebrant Circle, please click this below.
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